Things I will be doing tomorrow

In my previous post, I stated that I would work out agression during my 30-20-10 class...and I did...I can hardly walk today, but it is a good feeling. I am feeling more calm and more in control and Lillian is fine! I have yet to call a new pediatrician, which I will be doing tomorrow. Even though I know how it is with switching doctors (I have worked in Doctor's offices for years now people), I am nervous about switching because I feel 'bad.' I am going to do it tomorrow.

Know what else I am going to do tomorrow...see Miranda Lambert in concert!


hahahahhooohooo people, it'll be so awesome. I am going with my friend Trish-lady's night.

For now, Ryan is studying, Lillian is sleeping (and making squeaky noises in her sleep), and I am asking myself "why aren't I sleeping." Goodnight.

PUNCH, PUNCH, JAB, KICK, PUNCH

Ughhhhh asdklj;cvn;lken;alkna;d,nac;andklgvnas;nae,rnma,dmn

That's how I feel today. I feel like a helpless mother. Lillian had to have an ultrasound on her hip because she was breached. Her left hip has mild muscle dysplasia. This means that her hip, when there is applied force (aka any movement), could come out of socket easily. The pediatricians office told me that "it is VERY important that we see a pediatric orthopedist right away, something bad developmentally could happen, yadda yadda."

When Lillian had trouble with gaining weight in the beginning, the Pediatrician told us that we HAD to come back for a weight check 3 days later (which would be right during our break at home) and I believed it...then I called and cancelled because I was NOT able to stay in Cville and had to go home.

Please know, this is MY blog and I am venting and I know that Lillian will be okay, but I feel helpless...although I am doing something by setting up the Orthapedic appointment...anyways...

I have felt like such a bad mom because I question the Pediatrician...and honestly, I AM THE MOTHER. I know what is best for my daughter because she is my pretty baby! I have maternal instincts and I know how to care for my child...I feel like I am 'bullied" in to doing things. People, I worked at an ONCOLOGY OFFICE...I know what it means to see the "walking dead." This is not a matter of life or death and I do not need to be bullied. We never "bullied" patients, we used compassion! I am feeling a lack of compassion and my find a new pediatrician. I just want to see a bit more compassion used and not so much "making me feel bad." Andddd, I am running on a little sleep every single day.

I will be attending a 30-20-10 class (30 min cardio, 20 min toning, and 10 min stretching) tonight to get some of this feeling of inadequacy off. I am going to do extra forceful kickbox punching in class. I would like to note, I could NOT do this whole parenthood thing without Ryan. He is so helpful...and without helpful friends and family who listen and help me.

Life with a Beautiful Baby

Oh Lillian, how you have changed our lives. I must say that having a baby right around vacation time (aka the holidays) was a blessing...our families helped us so much! Lillian was born during finals week(s) for Ryan and I had baby blues and didn't think I'd be able to muster strength to care for our little itty bitty baby...My mom rescued me and came to Cville to pick me up after we had been home for a week. Ryan was going to finals and going to work-which left me alone and sad...poor Itty Bitty was so hungry because I wasn't able to give her enough milk-and the doctors, I felt, were letting me know that I needed to make a lot of changes and be a better mom...well, let's be honest, I was hormonally imbalanced! So, I got a head start to vacation and Ryan soon followed after finishing with exams and working.

Vacation was a lot of fun...we had so many great times with family-both of them-the Bairds and the Shrefflers. Lillian was held so much and loved by everybody in the family, especially her mom and dad.

Baby Beautiful had her photo shoot, done by the talented Laura Barnett (Ryan's Sister) and she did such a great job. She was extremely patient in getting some great shots of such a beautiful, naked baby:)






and we had some family pictures taken by a family friend...she did an awesome job!

Our growing family:)

Anyways, while on vacation, we did a lot of talking, eating, playing, walking, talking, reading, holding baby, waking up at odd hours of the night with baby, eating, talking, family time, improving our skills on the Kinect-especially dance central!, watching tv, staying up late, not starting a schedule, sleeping, talking, and eating. It was a great way to get help with my new role as a mother...I had great examples-my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, my sister, Dorothy (on the phone), and of course our "mother in training," Lil d (she may not have kids of her own yet, but she knows how to be a mother!). And it was so fun being with all Lillian's Aunties and Uncles...they all were wonderful and helped me a lot!

We are back home in Charlottesville now and we are working on improving our schedules-so that we can be better prepared for our roles as mother, father, wife, husband, student, providers, fun seekers, and amazing people contributing to the whole of society.